Have you ever had the weight of the world on your shoulders? It felt like there was no reprieve… in the midst of it all your heart is shattered and you know life as we know it , will never be the same.
As we say our final farewells to friends , colleges, and family. It tugs at our heart strings. The realization that life is forever altered, it will never be changed. Trying to grab hold and just hang onto what you can … only to find a new normal.
Tears fall easily for me. I’m not embarrassed about it. I realize it has made me more companionate and I have more empathy towards the next person. I never was quick to shed a tear. Now, it honestly doesn’t take much. We never know who our paths will cross with. How quickly our eyes will well up and or vision is obscured. As we share our journey with one another, we help lighten each other’s load, by talking about our loss.
Loosing someone close to you … yea… I’m going to say it…. “it royally sucks”. I know God knows my heart before I speak it. I know I’ve questioned God and I’ve been angry with Him as well. I just didn’t stay angry at God because…Really?! It does me no good. I’m only harming myself, if I stay angry. It’s just working through the grief, accepting life is forever changed. Finding a new normal.
I am still trying to find a new normal. Just the other day, I wanted to call my sister… tell her something funny. Knowing her story would only be funnier. Only realizing she’s no longer there. The reality hits and yes it made me just pause. Take a deep breath and just breathe. As I sat back and Cherished the days gone by.
Finding a new normal, takes time. There is no right or wrong way. Take your time. Grieving is not just emotional, it affects you physically, mentally and spiritually. Grief sucks the life out of you. Allowing the emotions not to consume us we release tears and draw closer to Christ to carry us through this journey. We can not do it on our own strength.
As we learn to find our new Normal. We need to just stop, we need to take care of ourselves first. Then, once we feel stronger in our daily lives our journey slowly becomes a little easier to breath. I remember someone saying to me, “one day it will get easier to breath.”
Our life’s load has been slightly lifted and we can breath easier. As time passes…. breathing becomes easier and not laboured, more natural. Our heart doesn’t hurt as much but our eyes well up a lot faster.
I remember shortly after my sister passed away, I went to see my Dr. I told him I was having trouble coping. Life was just hard. I felt I needed medical assistance. Once I finished talking, he encouraged me to talk more instead of holding it in. “Medication will only put your grieving process on hold. As hard as it is right now, you need to do it for yourself. If you feel it doesn’t get better in a week , evaluate it again, try another week. Then let me know.” Time passed and each day I got better and slowly the days became a little brighter.
I was working in the pharmacy at the time, I knew my Dr. was right. I was thankful He spoke boldly to me. I followed his instructions and weeks went by. I was doing OK. I found the right amount of people to walk with and share my journey. It just has gotten a little easier, the pain and hurt never leaves just becomes manageable.
One moment at a time, life will get better. Eventually the dark clouds of life will lift and you will see the beauty in the day, once again. It all takes time. As we are in a fast pace world, sometimes it’s not fast enough. We need to be patient with ourselves and allow our heart to heal. Time is precious, don’t stay angry.
It bothers me when people argue or fight. I actually get a tightening in the chest when It occurs. People take for granted what life offers, I would rather see people admit there wrong, apologize and move forward. God can not use you properly without a clean slate because of the debri in the way. Yes, that’s my rant. With arguments or a cold shoulder … it bothers me. My question is…What’s it going to take for people to make things in life right…. does someone have to die? Yes, I said it. I pray that’s not the case because it’s the hardest thing to do. Just don’t take what you have forgranted. Life is a gift , cherish it.