Mustard Seed

The other day I went for a walk along the country side of life. I saw a field of mustard seeds. I thought of the bible verse found in Matthew 17:20 “If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain,’Move from here to there and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” I am reminded that we need to step back into our child like faith. 

Let the mountains be moved, Let the heavens declare His glory. Let us see what our Heavenly Father desires us to see. Let us be move willing to stand firm in our faith, be grounded, steadfast and unmovable. Imagine if we walked in our faith, unshakable. 

I was thankful to take my walk and have this time with our creator. Wow…. we are such a blessed nation.  Think about it. How do we offer our thanks and praise to Him. Is it only on Sunday morning? Or Do we praise Him through every storm that comes our way? Are we willing to change for a mustard seed. Where is your faith? Are you scared of how God can use you? 

I believe we all need to step back into a child like faith. It amazes me how unshakable kids are, how sure and confident. We need to become more trusting in our faith. Big fancy theological words won’t get you to heaven. A personal relationship with our Lord and Saviour…., now we are talking! 

 It’s amazing the transformation that takes place in our lives when we fully believe that Jesus died on the cross for our sins. Not just mine… He took the weight of the world with Him. Then, you think it ends there… after He is dead, buried…what happens …three days later…. He comes back from the dead… to remind us to follow Him and that He is going to prepare a place for us in heaven. Mind blowing. We have a Father that would love us so much, He allowed His son to take on the sins of this world. I cannot fathom that. As a parent, I am here to protect my child. Then, here’s God the Father really sacrificing His son for our sins, to give us everlasting life. What? Life eternal. 

As crazy as this sounds, it’s that simple. My question is this, if it’s that simple…. where’s your faith? Are you willing to test the waters like faith of a child? What are you afraid of? Are you willing to plant a mustard seed and let it grow? 

As I end this topic… I think of the song “Waiting here for You”by Christy Nockles … “if faith can move the mountains, let the mountains move. We come with expectations waiting here for you.” 


Humor vs Sarcasm 

In all honesty, I enjoy a good laugh then again… who doesn’t. Then there is the sarcastic humour. I realize, we as a society hide behind our hurts and lash out in sarcasm.

Yes, I know. I am talking to myself on this one!  Maybe, being a therapist to myself is a good thing. Only problem there… I don’t get paid. On the other hand I don’t have to pay someone either. It’s almost a win- win. Yes that comment was a little tongue and cheek there, sarcasm. Yes, I know it oh too well.

I realize sarcasm is a tough line that a times we choose to cross. It is a line that we sometimes push the limits and hurt the ones we love around us. So really it’s time. Time to bite the tongue. Time to choose our words more carefully. Think before we speak. Harsh words from the heart, you know I’m right.

I know, I enjoy a good bantering back and forth with sarcasm. There is a need to learn to control it. In the grand sceam of things PEOPLE can get hurt by that razor sharp tongue. Sometimes We realize that tongue is rather jagged, a little late. Did you have to say the last word? Was it really all worth it ? Just because you think it….. doesn’t mean it should be repeated.

I don’t think I’m just speaking to myself when I say it. Sometimes in those moments…. may it be in anger or just the feeling like you are about to loose it, pure retaliation. You sound off, the words that utter from your lips … are deep down hurtful and yes perhaps that was the intent. Those words you can never take back, so try to choose your words more carefully.

Yes, in the end sarcasm no matter how it is intended…. it hurts. Is it worth perhaps loosing a friend over a sharp tongue. Think about it….. the next time you are tempted to be sarcastic, is it necessary? Be careful how you choose your words.

Ecclesiastes 5:2-4

“Do not be quick with your mouth,

do not be hasty in your heart

to utter anything before God.

God is in heaven

and you are on earth,

so let your words be few.”

Or the famous saying we have all heard our mothers say. Even quoted by Bambi ” If you don’t have nothing nice to say…. don’t say anything at all!”

Need Recognition 

We all go through times in our lives where we feel the need to be acknowledged for a job well done. Perhaps a pat on the back, would be rewarding enough.  Some prefer the likes of an audience. 

Why do we need or feel the need to be recognized or noticed? Is our sense of worth wrapped up in what others may think of us? 

I don’t know why I have been wondering about this lately.  Is it because people crave attention or to be noticed and simply draw attention to themselves? Wanting to be in the spot light or centre of attention?? 

If we are going to talk about clothing…. we are in for something. I believe in dressing modestly and leave something for the imagination. Why do some feel the need to literally bare all? Ewww gross. First off , you should here what boys say about these dressers. It’s not pleasing to there eyes, more of an eye roll 🙄. 

Sorry…. I tend to roll my eyes at this sort of behaviour. I think that is enough said on that topic. Maybe more for another day. 

Although…. stepping back when I was in school, I could be the class entertainment. “Class clown” if you will. Surprisingly now I see through all that and I see the insecurities come to the surface.

Although, I’ve grown up since those days. I’d rather sit back and enjoy the show before me now. It’s more enjoyable, I can get lost in a crowd. I can blend in. I know I’ve changed a lot in the passed few years. Evolved in away that I’m more content than I have ever been with myself. I’m ok with that. 

I believe it’s a good thing. Sometimes maybe not so much. I used to be a social butterfly and now I am more isolated than I have ever been. Is it self preservation? I don’t know …. I am okay with the quiet times to slow things down and just enjoy my surroundings.

Positive in a Negative World 🌎 

Sometimes in life we are too hard on ourselves expecting the best. We try hard to achieve goals , even at the things we are not good at. We get discouraged we beat ourselves up. We become our worst critic, as we tear ourselves down. We expect so much from ourselves, yet don’t give ourselves enough slack.  We forget to see how far we have come, Or even how much we have achieved, and accomplished. 

As time goes on we get through the chaos. We begin to focus on what we’re good at. Then we push ourselves harder to be better at the one thing we are good at, even if it’s just one thing. Illuminate the negative vibes or feelings that surround us. We start focussing on the one thing we are good at. I believe sometimes we beat ourselves up, call ourselves losers. Nobody is a loser or worthless. We need to get rid of the negativity and focus on the positivity. I believe this world would thrive to be bigger and better place. If we just got a little more positive and shared that with people around us. 

Just imagine for a moment if that positivity would spread like a wild forest fire.  Maybe it’s not the best picture but I got your attention. Imagine how great the world we live in could be. Imagine if we didn’t call our selves losers, and we actually thought something of ourselves. I believe the way we care for ourselves represents who we are.

 We become who we are, we have all heard that saying.  If you think about it, it’s true. I don’t want to become a Debbie downer. If you are being weighted down by a so called friend. Sad to say you need to evaluate the importance of you. We have ourself worth that deserves more respect, then to be dragged down. Nobody wants a negative Nellie or a Debbie downer to be in there circle of friends. It gives you a label or you become guilty by association. To be honest, they are the ones that will bring you down. So be careful of the name you place before you, as it may reflect who you are. Tough words to live by. I have walked away or distanced myself because I believe some friends maybe seasonal. As crazy as this sounds I believe God places some people in our lives to help us walk through some really hard times, that we alone can not endure. I am thankful for all the friends that have walked in and blessed me. I just pray somehow I’ve blessed them as well.

It’s time to throw away the schackles  of negativity and become the radiant person you truly are. Run with it, let the chains fall and let freedom reign. Embrace the positive thoughts and emotions that surround you as you step forward. Maybe just maybe it will have a ripple effect. How amazing would that be?

The song by Chris Tomlin  comes to mind and I just am in awe…”Amazing Grace (My chains are gone)” as the chorus goes….. “my chains are gone I’ve been set free. My God, My Saviour has randsomed me, and like a flood His mercy rains. Unending love, Amazing grace.” These lyrics are taken from Psalms 107:10-14. 

We need to focus on the grace God has put before us and striving to reach the perfect place of peace in our own chaotic lives. In running our race in life, it doesn’t matter if you come in first or last as long as you finish your race. No matter how you finish your race, finish with God’s grace. Be gracious and compassionate and this world around us will see a change. Be the change you want to see! 

Something to think about…, You can not control the wind but you can direct the sail . Choose your words and actions carefully.

Stepping Back to get a Better View. 

Sometimes I catch myself, soaking in what is before me. I am blessed to have a loving husband, and three wonderful amazing fun loving young men that I’m responsible for. I’m blessed to have parents that love me, and still set me straight when deemed necessary. Lately I’ve caught myself… As if looking into a mirror, and seeing beyond.

I realized how blessed I am. How fortunate life has turned out. I may not have wealth or fame but I do have love, and a family that loves me.

I think so often of others, they were not able or didn’t get a chance to be a parent. Not just to be a parent but a friend, a companion or someone to love and be loved by. Life is not easy but it is good and for that I’m thankful.

We don’t have to be a parent to feel valued. In our society it seems to place alot of value into the role of parenting. What about the people that are unable to have children, my heart breaks for them. People might look at them cold… But inside their broken. We need to be more sensitive towards others.

We often see people and think ,we’re not like them. They may look like I’ve hit rock bottom… For all we know they did. Why must we judge someone by their appearance? Why can we not be more compassionate? Yes we’ve been blessed… But in order to absorb that blessing we need to Love more unconditionally. To quickly we judge by appearances and not getting to know people, that saddens me.

Sometimes I feel like I’m looking through a shallow glass. Friends I’ve made know that I do not tolerate a fake friend, if I can say that. I know it’s a little bold to say but you know what…. Be Real. No one likes a Fake!

I’ve been thinking a lot lately how things of changed around us. The towns are growing populations are getting bigger. Would you recognize your place 10 years from now? Where will you stand? Will people recognize you? Crazy been a lot going through my mind and it’s as if there is no stopping it.

Incase you are wondering I do not have blinders on or tunnel vision. What I do have is a great appreciation for life. I am here and so are you for a purpose. It’s up to us to find out what that purpose is and strive for it. Still do not fully know my purpose, it must be something great ….. I’m still here!

As we move through life….. take a step back and appreciate everything you have. Never know when or how drastically your life will change. It is putting on step in front of the other no turning back, just be thankful how far you have come.

Let Go, Let God.

Colossians 3:12-17

12-14 So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It’s your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it.
15-17 Let the peace of Christ keep you in tune with each other, in step with each other. None of this going off and doing your own thing. And cultivate thankfulness. Let the Word of Christ—the Message—have the run of the house. Give it plenty of room in your lives. Instruct and direct one another using good common sense. And sing, sing your hearts out to God! Let every detail in your lives—words, actions, whatever—be done in the name of the Master, Jesus, thanking God the Father every step of the way.


These are the verses I needed to hear,  read and allow myself to absorb its meaning. I realize God knows everything that goes on in our lives. It is up to us how we deal with every situation we may come across.

In life we deal with the ups and downs of emotions. Sometimes hurt by others with no real explanation. This is in those moments we need to, let Go and let God. Yes, it is a lot easier said than done. 

We all deal with hurt of some kind it’s how we react that makes us the people God would want us to be. We’ve all heard the saying ” be the bigger person” but does that mean we should tolerate poor behaviour. My thought is, if you call yourself a Christian allow your actions to reflect that as well. Let your actions speak for you. 

I battle with that, knowing to well the destruction that it can lead to. I sometimes wonder if people cause distruction and misery to make them feel or look better. Or are people that miserable that there goal is to cause misery and havoc wherever they go. It saddens me how people would rather destroy the next person rather than lift up. How hard is it to love your neighbors? Maybe easier to love your neighbors than the person sitting next to you across the table. 

Life is not easy. I see division and separation and it saddens me. I don’t understand it. Yes, I know I’ve changed. I am more sensitive towards how others treat people. It bothers me when I see the actions that people may take and lengths they go to, just to cause pain. I can not fathom it,  I walk away and I get anxiety. I go home and cry to see such brokenness. I wonder in order for people to appreciate what they have, relationships, family, friends, health will you have to loose it all to appreciate what they have before them. Will death have to occur to bring you closer or will it drive a greater wedge between you?

Last night, I was messengering with my brother and feeling such a connection. There are many miles between us but I know we are in good standing with each other. I missed him and it was so good to connect. Even if it was to ask him to pray for my heart that hurts for others. Sometimes I feel so broken. I just ask for prayer because I know I can’t do it on my own strength. We do not have to carry our burdens alone. If we share with others our hurts , our struggles we receive a greater strength. We need to pray for each other and lift each other up. We are no good trying to take someone out at the knees. It is better to go on our knees in prayer and forgiveness. Be thankful in every situation. Remember no matter what comes your way…. do not let the stress of the situation consume you, Let Go of all your stresses, and Let God take it from here.

Prayer is an amazing tool. I believe in the power of prayer. No matter the situation or circumstances bring it to God and just allow Him to do His work! Be thankful for a loving Father that loves and cares for His children. He wants nothing but the best for us. We need to be more trusting of Him. 

Praise in the Storm 

Let’s get one thing straight…. I am not a storm chaser, thrill seeker.  Although, it does sound invigorating. That is not my mission. My mission is to tell you that everyone has a story to tell. Everyones story is different ,our walks in life are similar but not at all the same. We try to encourage each other and lift up as we walk these storms in life.

I believe life throws obstacle courses along the way. We maneuver through and turn along a bended road….Only to realize we need to make a U-turn. Life has its ups and downs. It’s hard to get up when the wind in your sails have been knocked down. Getting back up is hard… But worth it in the end. I often think of the verse in Philippians 4:13 ” I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” It’s honestly a verse that I cling too. God wouldn’t put me here in this journey if I didn’t have the strength to get through it. In every season there is purpose and every purpose has a meaning. We may never find out but I continually seek his strength. Some days I feel like a broken shell of a person, just going through the motions of the day to day tasks. Then sometimes I run into people by chance and share with them my brokenness. You then find out pretty quickly, they’re going through some hurts as well. I find if I open myself up a little my shell doesn’t seem so empty anymore. As crazy as it sounds sharing and hearing others hurts brings strength as well. I realize, we all have a journey. I am learning to open up, I believe that’s were healing begins. It’s Not walking alone in this journey.

I heard the song ” I’ll Praise You In The Storm.” As I sat back and allowed the song to speak to me. As music 🎶 seems to stir my soul. I remember how very hard it was to praise Him in the storm. Yet, I continued to just pray that one day … the desires of singing without crying would come back. I have to admit… I am able to sing some songs, but there are a few songs that still and probably always will, wake my tear ducks. I believe that is God, telling me or reminding me it will all be ok in the end. Just trust.

For a while I would just tear up a lot. If someone would ask what’s wrong… tears of mercy. Waiting on grace. I’d joke and say here comes “the waves of mercy! ” Through it all ,  I can honestly say I’ve seen His grace. Eventually, as I was able to get past the fog and let the storm pass, only then was I able to see grace.

I keep thinking of the song by Casting Crowns “Praise You in the Storm” as the course goes ….

🎶And I’ll praise you in the storm.

And I will lift my hands

That you are who you are

No matter where I am

And every tear I’ve cried

You hold in your hand

You never left my side

And thou my heart is torn

I’ll praise you in this storm🎶

As hard as it is, not matter what storms have come and gone. I will praise Him no matter what. I will not be shaken. I believe when you go through something it really shakes your faith. In time, because healing takes time…. my heart of hearts is able to praise Him in this storm.

I look at a painted canvas. I see all the colours of the spectrum. But God sees every little fleck, every little drop. He sees the big picture. I’d like to say we have tunnel vision when it comes to stuff like that… But if we put our trust, put our faith, in the one who created us. I honestly believe he has our best interest at heart. Some may think, I’m a gambler …if you don’t believe in God. Well, then I gambler, I am. I’m willing to take a chance and risk it all,  for eternal life. I will continue to praise him in this storm.

Sometimes I think of the old classic hymns how they tug at my heartstrings. To live in that timeframe must’ve been amazing because those hymns are where we go back and lean on.

It is well

Old Rugged Cross

Count your blessings

Amazing Grace

I surrender All

Great is Thy Faithfulness

Just to name a few….. I hope these songs resignate with you today.

No matter where we are in this journey of life, my hope is that we can praise Him in the midst of it.

Finding a New Normal 

Have you ever had the weight of the world on your shoulders? It felt like there was no reprieve… in the midst of it all your heart is shattered and you know life as we know it , will never be the same. 

As we say our final farewells to friends , colleges, and family. It tugs at our heart strings. The realization that life is forever altered, it will never be changed. Trying to grab hold and just hang onto what you can … only to find a new normal. 

Tears fall easily for me. I’m not embarrassed about it. I realize it has made me more companionate and I have more empathy towards the next person. I never was quick to shed a tear. Now, it honestly doesn’t take much. We never know who our paths will cross with. How quickly our eyes will well up and or vision is obscured. As we share our journey with one another, we help lighten each other’s load, by talking about our loss.

Loosing someone close to you … yea… I’m going to say it…. “it royally sucks”. I know God knows my heart before I speak it. I know I’ve questioned God and I’ve been angry with Him as well. I just didn’t stay angry at God because…Really?! It does me no good. I’m only harming myself, if I stay angry. It’s just working through the grief, accepting life is forever changed. Finding a new normal.

I am still trying to find a new normal. Just the other day, I wanted to call my sister… tell her something funny. Knowing her story would only be funnier. Only realizing she’s no longer there. The reality hits and yes it made me just pause. Take a deep breath and just breathe. As I sat back and Cherished the days gone by.

Finding a new normal, takes time. There is no right or wrong way. Take your time. Grieving is not just emotional, it affects you physically, mentally and spiritually. Grief sucks the life out of you. Allowing the emotions not to consume us we release tears and draw closer to Christ to carry us through this journey. We can not do it on our own strength.

As we learn to find our new Normal. We need to just stop, we need to take care of ourselves first. Then, once we feel stronger in our daily lives our journey slowly becomes a little easier to breath. I remember someone saying to me, “one day it will get easier to breath.” 

Our life’s load has been slightly lifted and we can breath easier. As time passes…. breathing becomes easier and not laboured, more natural. Our heart doesn’t hurt as much but our eyes well up a lot faster. 

I remember shortly after my sister passed away, I went to see my Dr. I told him I was having trouble coping. Life was just hard. I felt I needed medical assistance. Once I finished talking, he encouraged me to talk more instead of holding it in. “Medication will only put your grieving process on hold. As hard as it is right now, you need to do it for yourself. If you feel it doesn’t get better in a week , evaluate it again, try another week. Then let me know.” Time passed and each day I got better and slowly the days became a little brighter.

I was working in the pharmacy at the time, I knew my Dr. was right. I was thankful He spoke boldly to me. I followed his instructions and weeks went by. I was doing OK. I found the right amount of people to walk with and share my journey. It just has gotten a little easier, the pain and hurt never leaves just becomes manageable. 

One moment at a time, life will get better. Eventually the dark clouds of life will lift and you will see the beauty in the day, once again. It all takes time. As we are in a fast pace world, sometimes it’s not fast enough. We need to be patient with ourselves and allow our heart to heal. Time is precious, don’t stay angry. 

It bothers me when people argue or fight. I actually get a tightening in the chest when It occurs. People take for granted what life offers, I would rather see people admit there wrong, apologize and move forward. God can not use you properly without a clean slate because of the debri in the way. Yes, that’s my rant. With arguments or a cold shoulder … it bothers me. My question is…What’s it going to take for people to make things in life right…. does someone have to die? Yes, I said it. I pray that’s not the case because it’s the hardest thing to do. Just don’t take what you have forgranted. Life is a gift , cherish it.

A Final Goodbye…

Life runs on a course we do not understand. We are running at different paces in life and sometimes life just takes a sharp turn.  Or detour that throws us off guard.
One moment life is going great and the next…. the world, as we know it ..STOPS. Along with our heart,as it is stuck in our throat. This is the moment tragedy strikes. It’s the moment where you can not even comprehend or even fathom. 

For myself, my heart was stuck in my throat many times. As I remember my sister telling me her cancer was terminal. Those words they are just hard to swallow.. even now. 

I look back now , at the time I was angry. I couldn’t understand BUT I prayed like I’ve never prayed before. In the months before her passing, I was thankful for the time we were granted. Time to say our goodbyes. I feel in away blessed to have been given that opportunity to say farewell. 

Then my heart shatters in a million pieces, for families that have someone they love pass away, Suddenly , with no goodbyes. It breaks my heart and yes I know God is in control. It is just hard to watch other people hurt , when we can’t fix it.

For me, I know the power of prayer carried me through, the hardest journey I’ve walked this far. I know that if my heart is breaking for someone, pray for them. Allow God to give them the strength to get through this journey. A part of me feels so helpless. But that’s when I pray more because I’ve experienced loss and the brokenness doesn’t go away … it just gets a little easier.

If you know someone is hurting. You don’t have to say anything. Offer a smile, don’t ask how’s it going? Put yourself in there shoes. Think before you speak. Don’t offer unsolicited advice, just listen. Sometimes, just a listening ear for someone to unload there heavy heart is what we need. Be more compassionate. Do not avoid the broken hearted, they feel that. Just say hi and say you are thinking of them. Ask if they would like you to Pray over them right where you are. Who cares if it’s in a parking lot…. we don’t know what they are facing. Remind the broken they are not alone.

Felling alone in the midst of your journey, feels like your feet trying to walk through freshly poured cement. If you see that…. reach out your hand and walk along side. Lift there burden or just make them smile. 

It’s amazing what a smile can do. 

Trusting to Let Go….

As parents we teach our children independence. We pray over them and watch them make mistakes. Only to get back up and try again. 

It’s in away learning to walk. We hold our child’s hand as we train them to walk. Then when it comes time and they let go. They fall,they wobble but they continue to keep trying. Once the child is ready, they let go. The road to independence is wide open.

We are excited to see them reach this milestone. We keep encouraging and at the same time we maybe a little saddened because the child is not dependent as much on the parent. 

As the child grows, as like a baby bird. The mama bird teaches her babies how to use its wings. To take to flight. As our children grow, so does there wing span. 

Our children push us, testing there boundaries but always coming back. Seeking approval. Once the child feels ready to fly or be more independent. Riding bike, going for a bike ride by themselves to getting drivers, jobs, and other things out of the way to find there place. 

As our children get there drivers, it’s the preparation to, slowly let go. That independence is looking so good. The taste of what they call freedom , calls a parent to pray more.

As a parent, we pray we’ve done s good job in raising good descent, respectful young adults. We let go. Not sure how to at times. They are our Guinne pigs our test subjects where it might be more like trail and error. We learn as parents and children a new form of communication. 

Letting go is the part that we prepare for all our lives. As a bird, teaches her young to finally venture out and leave its nest. We essentially are teaching our children the same. 

Some children take to it and glide through with no problems in this transition. As others, rely or lean on the parent to walk along side and encourage them along the way.

Each child is so different, as exciting as this new adventure is. This adventure is a little scary as well. Just as if life, some people do good with change and others not so much.

I am reminded of a verse found in Proverbs 22:6 it says ” Train up a child in the way he should go.And when he is old he will not depart from it.”

It’s the letting go. It’s a hard task but in the end so rewarding. I never understood people… when they would say…”the most rewarding and hardest job I’ve ever had is parenting… but it’s the most rewarding!” I get that now. 

Life is a journey. Enjoy the journey and embrace it as you go.